For March/April 1992
Originally Published in "Pond Scum" #28
Now you might think that this is just another Susan sez article about my hubby, but it's not. Other than being a mere pawn in this particular story, I really have nothing to say about the guy this time around. No, I'm out to insult others today, and if by the time you've finish reading this you feel I haven't knocked enough people, just let me know... This charming little tale began when we went to look at speakers for our otherwise infamous system - and I do emphasize the word "look," as I was repeatedly assured that no money would exchange hands that day. So we innocently entered our local store (which shall remain nameless as I don't give free plugs) and was assisted by, well, I'll call him Ed for lack of a better name and because that is his name (I believe in slandering all persons equally). I knew things were slowly going downhill when Ed said, "Hey we've got these and these speakers," followed by the magic words, "and I can give you a good deal." Sidetracking a little bit here, I don't know what it is about men and getting a good deal, but I've seen more men buy stuff that they have absolutely no use for just because they got a good deal on it. Anyway, Ed leads my poor husband off as if he were a little kid told to pick out his first puppy, and I was suddenly discarded like an old shoe. Okay, I tell myself, looking is fine and that's as far as it will go (I'm in denial stage at this point). However, I decide to be a good sport and take an active part in the "looking process." Somehow, though, I think Ed sensed that my presence would be counterproductive to his commission because he did everything in his power to dissuade me from voicing my opinion. Now I have been patronized by the best - mechanics, car salesmen, lawyers, doctors, and several persons in the movie industry - but I have to admit that Ed is good, and I could almost admire the guy if not for the fact that it was my money he was after. Highlights of what I now refer to as "the battle" included: my husband informing me "Ed's not a speaker salesperson, he's an audio-visual design consultant...what do you think about that?" What I think about that is that the speakers just went up $100 each simply so he can fit that title onto his business cards. But the killer was when Ed gives me this big smile and says "Well, we don't expect women to know anything about this, but when it comes time to pick out the color for your speakers we'll call you." And when my husband gave me a corresponding nod of the head, I figured I was sunk. As I pondered how we would put up a second mortgage on the house to pay off these speakers, I heard an unbelievable sound from my husband - "Well, thanks a lot, we'll think about it." Suddenly we were free in the safety of our car zooming for home...I won! I slept better that night than I had in years. Unfortunately, my hubby decides the next day to go run some errands with our son, and after being gone for four hours he walks in proudly with new speakers and cables. "Ed gave me an even better deal than yesterday!" Touche, Ed, you are a better man than me.
NOTE: Now for those of you who don't quite get this editorial, I was being made fun of in a big way, and thought I'd set the record straight after all these years. Ed the infamous salesman was a friend of mine, was someone I had worked with, and the Triad system was a planned purchase (which I got at cost, by the way - there was never any price haggling, it was sold to me at a standard "dealer" discount since I actually was working at the store I bought it from). Of course, even though most of the facts are a complete fabrication, it still does make for a good yarn, eh? Even better, thankfully I haven't been married to the infamous Susan for quite some time...I got remarried instead to the infamous Paula a few years back, and my life has been much happier and better for it! |
Editorial by Susan Miller |